A Preschool Field Trip

 Bus was very serious about all of this. I think he loved it though.

Basketball

Mason played his first competitive basketball season this year. He had a really good time. Tim coached the team and they both learned a lot. Overall the season was pretty successful and I think Mason really liked being on a comp team. The won their first two preseason games, then one regular season game, and then their first playoff game. Beau was on his team so it was fun having family there. I am really proud of how much more coach-able and determined he has become. He is growing up so fast and everyday I am so impressed by my smart, funny, handsome, amazing boy.

Eric turns 5

Our little guy is getting so big.

Bus loves preschool, he is making a lot of friends and has even had a couple playdates with a new one, Luke. He is so proud of himself for all the things he's learning and he really wants to learn to read. His teacher said he is her favorite and that his personality so unique that he just cracks her up. 

Bus does not skimp on the cuddles. Anytime he wakes up before he crawls into my bed to play with my hair and squeeze me around the neck and give me a million little kisses. He promised me the night before his birthday that I don't need to worry about him growing up, because he'll always cuddle me. Anytime he is mad, you can be forgiven if you give him a big hug or a little tickle. He loves on everyone every chance he gets.

He loves to play with his family the most. During the day when he is done with his shows, he likes to play board games or Pokemon battle with me. He can't wait for the kids to get home so he can play house with Ava, or battle with Mason, or outside with all of them. He really likes it when Mason has friends over and he just follows them around trying to be included the whole time. Luckily, Mason is so good about this.

I really don't know how to adequately explain what a bright light he is in all of our lives. He just shines everywhere he goes. He is so full of love and life that it pours out of him all the time. It's like he can't contain the love and just has to get it out by showing affection all the time. He's funny and fun to be around. He's a great sport. He doesn't give up easily. I wish I could bottle him up because I know I am going to long for a little helping of four-year-old Bus for the rest of my life.

Smith and Moorehouse

We went camping with Tim's parents this weekend. We went up to Smith and Moorehouse reservoir on Thursday morning and stayed two nights. Which is the longest we've ever camped as a family! Steph and Beau were also there the first day.

On our way up we stopped at a diner in Oakley that was very cool, but very slow and expensive before we headed up. When we got to the campground the kids immediately got to work exploring. There was a large stream running through our site and it provided hours of entertainment. We had a spaghetti dinner and then planned to go fishing, but it got too windy and rainy, and then too late. We did go down to the lake to put gas in the boat for the next days and the kids played in the water fully clothed and soaked all their warm stuff.

Friday morning we got to celebrate Mason's birthday. I cannot believe my little guy is already in the double digits. He opened his presents and then after breakfast we went down to the lake. He caught four fish and the other kids each caught one.

We played around the campsite and had cake and lunch and played some Uno and did more exploring for the rest of the day. We went on a little hike and saw some bear (possibly, I doubt it) scat. The kids did a little target practice with the BB gun and practiced their whittling skills. After dinner we were planning to go fishing again, but everyone was tired and we decided to wait and go again in the morning.

The next day we went fishing first thing again, and it was perfect weather. A little cloudy and cool, and not many people on the lake. We only caught two fish and kids were just too worn out, so we ended our fishing early and went back to eat and pack up camp.

It was so nice having a few days to focus on my sweet kids and just enjoy them and their fun personalities and imagination. I need to make more time to really focus in on them without a bunch of distractions. It was so fun.

     

A Sort-of Final Good-bye

Today we laid my sweet Mom to rest. 

She died last Friday, May 3, 2018 around noon. My brother text me in the morning and told me that the nurse said we should consider taking her oxygen tube out because it was only prolonging things. So I told them I would leave in 20 minutes to be there when the decision was made. I left about ten minutes later and by the time I got to Brigham she had already passed.

I had been with her nearly every day in the weeks leading up to her death. In the hospital and then in her home. On Tuesday, Emily and I sat for a few hours and rubbed her sore, swollen feet while we talked. She wanted to discuss her funeral plans mostly. She had been so out of it from the medication since she was first admitted to the hospital, but she was very clear while we were there that day. It was a real blessing to be able to spend so much time with her. She said that she was excited to find out what was coming next, and totally at peace with everything.

Then on Thursday morning I stopped in again, but she was almost completely unresponsive. She woke up once to tell me that her temple clothes needed laundered and once to answer that she loves me too - very, very much. And those were the last words we spoke to each other. Our love.

After she passed we sat in her room with her for a while. Then we called the nurses to come take care of her and call the mortuary. 

The week has been a blur of funeral arraignments and denial and tears. I went with my dad and Ryan to the funeral home the morning after she died. I picked out the casket and flowers and programs and headstone. A granite bench. Then I decided who should speak and pray and called to ask them all and helped my dad with the rest of the program. I put together a video for the viewing that took until about 1 AM the morning before, with some tweaks the day of. It was good for me to have a lot to do.

On Friday morning Emily and I went to the funeral home to do my mom's hair and make-up and finish dressing her in her temple clothes. We were so nervous, I didn't know what to expect. She didn't look at all like what I was expecting. I thought she would be white or yellow, but she just looked like she did without make-up, but a little plastic. It turned out to be a very good experience and I am so glad we were able to do it together. She turned out beautiful, too. Young and healthy and pretty. 

We were expecting a LOT of people to come to the viewing, but there weren't nearly as many as I thought. Still, a lot of people came to support her family and express their love of my mom. She influenced so many people. I think the reason not as many people came to the viewing Friday night was that so many were planning to come to the viewing and funeral today. It was a full house.

It was really a beautiful tribute to my mom. On the way home, Tim pointed out that anyone could explain my mom and everyone would say about the same thing. She was bright and cheerful and loving and encouraging. Everyone has a story of my mom expressing her love for them in a meaningful way.

My emotions have been all over the place. It's hard to look forward now knowing that her funeral is over and all of our future plans won't include her. I don't know if I've really started grieving because I've just been pushing it down to get through the week. But it hits me hard sometimes and I just stop to cry for a few minutes, then pull myself together and move on. 

I've felt so peaceful sometimes, and today during the funeral I felt almost happy. Happy for her. Like I could feel how happy she is and I can't begrudge her that by wishing she was still here. But I've also been angry. Why did she have to go so young. She still had so many big plans. I still need her. My dad still needs her. She could have been healed and taken when she was old. When we were more ready.

I know she's happy. And I'm going to focus on that. Even though I am so, so sad.